I hate to say it but I feel myself unraviling. All the stress and the weight of our situation is finally getting to me. I put on a serene face for everyone even though I feel like I’m withering from the inside. Sorrel is leaving. I’d rather have him up in heaven with blessed lotus…safe, instead of going with us to the underworld. He hasen’t even left yet but I can feel us drifting apart already. The weight of the realization is crushing me. I am certin now that I love him, but love can be misplaced. I cannot comprimise my people in passion or in haste. I could be his life companion anywhere but where we are going and on the path we have traviling.
I have thought of such things…though I try not to. I now understand how my father must have felt watching me grow and not exalting like my brothers. I would grow old…I would die and he would watch his youngest child turn to dust. I feel this way when I look at Sorrel. He would be better off living life without me and my heart would rest easy not having to worry about him.
These thoughts…they are not right though. What is right for him and me may not be what we want. I will follow what I want and forget what my brain tells me. Even though it will hurt to loose him, I would not give up a moment of the time I spent with him. Those moments and memories make me happy…happier then I ever was on the blessed Isle. I was always on the outside looking in back home…locked away from the world by an overbearing protective father.
We will part ways…but I prmosied him that I would hold him in my heart. I can only pray he does the same for me. When we meet again…it will be just that much sweeter. I know he’ll be waiting for me and it gives me something to look forward to.